I never realized how much you need to set boundaries in your life. Hell, I never realized it was a necessity if I’m honest with myself. I just never thought about doing it or what it truly meant.
First off, do you even know what setting boundaries means?
Setting boundaries mean you recognize what you will and will not allow, who you will allow in your space and what you will discuss. You must become so crystal clear about what those boundaries are, so you can be vocal with all necessary parties.
I was always the person who if I cared for you on a deep level, I would ride or die even if it wasn’t good for me. I always tried to be everything for everyone, but at the end of the day, there wasn’t enough for myself when I needed it the most.
It’s crazy to realize all these seasons of life you go through and all the many things you learn. I learned during one of my seasons that I needed to start putting myself first before everyone else.
One of my favorite mantras I live by is “protect your energy at all cost.” For me, I learned to protect my energy like a motherfucker. I learned I HAVE to put myself first before anyone else. No one else’s happiness is more important than mine. NO ONE gets come before me.
I’ve realized it was okay to be there for my friends and family, but if I couldn’t give them my all then it was okay to say, “I can’t do this right now.” And saying that doesn’t make you are a bad friend, a bad partner, a bad family member – but you must do a check and see if you can handle it. You can not do it all and it’s okay not to.
I’ve put in place two huge boundaries that have completely shifted my life:
- Setting boundaries on what I will allow in my space
- Setting boundaries with people in my life
Let’s start with my first boundary – what I will not allow in my space.
During my “hustle” season as I call it, I started to look at who was around me. I realized maybe some of the people who had access to me, didn’t need that anymore. I started to see how they just weren’t good for my energy, my vibe. I so believe your energy absorbs who is around you and you need to be very careful about that. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table.
Eat alone – remember to protect your energy. I let go of friends, a family member, and habits that just were no longer serving me.
I said to myself I will no longer allow these things/people/activities in my life. I set a new standard for myself. By letting go of that negative energy I started to feel so much better mentally and spiritually.
My next boundary is what I set with the people in my life.
This came in two parts. The boundaries with my friends and the boundaries with my ex.
So, if you made the cut to stay at the table, we had some talking to do.
With my gurls, they have my heart. When things first went down with my separation I told them all the gory details. My girls cried with me, were mad with my me, they mourned with me- they called my ex every name in the book with me lol. I was hurting and upset and just needed to get it out.
At that moment when my head was in a fog I needed their support, I needed their direction I needed their drive to get me through the day because I had none.
Remember I gave so much to everyone else when it came time to take care of myself my tank was low. It wasn’t a bad thing I relied on them, but in doing so I didn’t realize how much I relied on them to help make decisions in my life. At the end of the day all decisions needed to be made by me and me alone.
I had to have these moments with them and express that even though you may not like or care how I was handling the situation with my ex I need them to respect my decision. Give your support and love and less “you should”. I had to learn not every little detail needs to be shared with my friends, but more importantly, I needed to stand up and say I respect your opinion, but I need to do what is best for me.
Even though I was scared as shit to do it because I was so worried about how it would be received, I shouldn’t have doubted my boos. They understood but wanted me to know they were coming from a place of love and didn’t want me to go downhill again. We all came to an understanding after that.
No one else’s happiness is more important than mine. NO ONE gets come before myself.
With my ex, it was an even harder moment. After 12 years with someone who you gave everything to and put their needs above your own, I had to start speaking up and saying, “we are not together I cannot help you-you need to do this on your own”. I had to even say, “I do not need to tell you things I do not want to, I do not have to answer your questions about my life.”
When he was having problems or going through an issue I had to say to myself I will not own this. This is not mine to take ownership of. Basically, not my monkey not my circus lol.
I learned even though deep down I still care for him I still needed to explain his place in my life.
With these two huge boundaries, I feel like I have shifted my energy in such a positive way. I’m just now realizing how much I gained my own voice.
You may have different boundaries than mine, but you need to set them.
Take a moment and really sit down and see where you need to be setting boundaries in your life. By setting them you stay true to your wants and needs – you put it all out there of what you are willing to deal with and what you will not.
So, are you ready to start setting your boundaries?
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