This past year I have been on such a journey of finding out who I was. In the early stages, I would find myself asking “Who is Verla?” or “What does she want?”. I didn’t have an answer to that question, because I had no clue who or what I wanted from my life. I was lost, like beyond lost I couldn’t see in front of me. My marriage was failing, it was getting harder and harder to get up each day – I was struggling at work. Life was just.plain.hard.
Then the bottom dropped and my marriage was over and I was destroyed over it. My reality – my happy little life was gone. I moved out and stayed at my best friend’s house for a couple weeks while I tried to get my shit together. I cried for two weeks and honestly, me and wine were soul sisters during this time. I stopped pretending that I was holding it together and I let myself feel the pain. But I realized I needed to get my head back in the game. I needed to start figuring out what I was doing with the rest of my life.
While I was trying to work through this new reality, the bottom dropped for me again. I found out I had to have surgery. I had a mass in my breast that had doubled in size and the only option was to remove it (I’ll discuss this later why you shouldn’t ignore your health ladies!). I was terrified and angry at the world that I had to deal with one more thing in my life. Haven’t I been through enough? The surgery went well and so did my recovery due to my amazing family and friends who took such good care of me I could never repay them for that.
While I was recovering I started really thinking about who the hell I wanted to be. I started creating all these Pinterest boards for makeup, clothes, tattoos (yes I wanted knew ink to represent this new self) – everything that made up this new person I wanted to become. The best way I can explain my new outlook was I woke up out of that surgery a different person. I had such a different view on life. I was all into figuring out who I wanted to become down to the way I looked, acted, what I drove-everything little nuisance that made up Verla. I got serious about my fitness and started hitting the gym hard. I paid attention to how I dress when I went to work-I made sure my hair and makeup was always done, my clothes were on point and I had fabulous accessories to match. I got my finances together paid off my debt and was able to lease a 2017 Lexus IS300. By the end of 2017, I was able to move into my own apartment all by myself. These were all things I wanted to do and made my reality.
I.got.my.shit.together in a big way. I took my situation and made it my driving force to go after what I wanted. I found my inner-gangster and took my power back. I’m telling you all of this because it’s possible. It’s possible to turn your entire life around in such a short around of time. I was in a dark place in my life exactly a year ago and I decided to take a stand and fix it. I wanted better for myself and I decided to do better.
Do I still have my moments of sadness- hell yes! my ass is human and if I didn’t have moments than I never felt anything for him. Am I done working on myself-nope! I am constantly a work in progress and I embrace it. I keep pushing and leveling up finding newer versions of my inner-gangster. So even though it’s hard and you want to give up – don’t-don’t you dare fucking give up.
Find your inner-gangster and take your power back. Are you ready?
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